Introducing Ledisi

Over the Winter Holiday I had the opportunity to go to San Francisco with my family. I live and breathe for San Francisco. Its my favorite place EVER. We had an amazing Chinese dinner in the City and then went to a dinner jazz spot to see Ledisi. I was only familiar with one Ledisi song, "In the Morning" but my aunts and uncles raved about her so I was pretty excited to see her live.

One word: amazing. Ledisi is definitely one of those artists who sounds live exactly like she does on the album. It was a small intimate space and she was just incredible. When I got back home from Cali I immediately bought both her albums off iTunes and I love to study to her music. She has such a positive message and she can help turn a bad day into a better day. I typically get dressed in the morning to her music in an attempt to start my day off right. She sings about romantic love, self-love, self-acceptance. I guess I'd put her in the same category as an India Arie or Jill Scott.

Ledisi - Higher Than This
by UniversalMusicGroup

SNL: "We Are the World Redux Redux"

Funny stuff. Jennifer Lopez's Rihanna had me WEAK!

New 'Do

 

  

While I'm pretty sure I want to keep my hair short for....well, FOREVER, I've been playing around with different haircuts lately. I, like everyone else, get bored easily (which usually results in me coloring my hair) but I've always wanted a short haircut that is both edgy but also professional. I got my haircut today and this may be THE cut!!! Yay! Its sort of my homage to Rihanna, LOL. I figured I could let the top get longer and longer if I wanted {do the whole rooster 'do} or scale it back, but will pretty much always keep the sides/back short. I am super excited about it! Eeek!

The Realest Thing I Never Wrote 2.24.10

My world it moves so fast today
The past it seems so far away
And I squeeze it so tight, I can't breathe
And every time I try to be
What someone has thought of me
So caught up, I wasn't able to achieve
But deep in my heart the answer it was in me
And I made up my mind to find my own destiny
I look at my environment
And wonder where the fire went
What happened to everything we used to be
I hear so many cry for help
Searching outside of themselves
Now I know His strength is within me
And deep in my heart the answer it was in me
And I made up my mind to find my own destiny
And deep in my heart the answer it was in me
And I made up my mind to find my own destiny

--Lauryn Hill, "The Miseducation of Lauryn  Hill"

Happy Birthday to Me.

Monday marks my 24th Birthday. I've decided to gift (to myself) a few fashion treats. I don't really have a style, though KRC recently said, your style is COMFORTABLE. He assures me my looks are put together but that I look like a woman who thinks comfy = hot {I'm comfortable with this assessment, LOL}. The past few years have been heaven sent as "men's style" is very "in" right now. I'm the queen of jeans/blazer/t-shirt. I feel so chic and sexy in a nice blazer. I swear sometimes I want to RAID Frank's closest. He, as a man, dresses how I want to dress daily! I recently picked up the cutest plaid blazer from the thrift store and I think I'm rocking it on my birthday (exciiiiiiiiited!).

Anyway, because money is tight and my body fluctuates sizes I try to buy basic pieces that can be belted and can be worn spring through winter. I also look for pieces that depending on the shoes/make up could be a school look or a bar look. So we're basically talking about basics--tee's, tunics', dresses, blazers, etc. I'm a layers kind of chick. This summer I'll be wearing mini's with thin jackets or minis and cotton vests with a pump. Simple. Easy. I've given myself a $100 limit (clearly I'll be shopping the clearance sections) but here are some items I'm think would make perfect birthday presents...

 

  

  

 

I die for these black faux-denim "jeggings" from Dorothy Perkins. Denim Leggings are essential to my going out look. So those will DEFINITELY be ordered. Also, I an "all-black-everything" kind of girl, so that floral dress is a huge stretch for me. But I'm inching toward the quarter-century mark. I need to attempt to broaden my horizon. You can tell I'm "maturing". I'm actually getting excited about clothes...haha.

Hungry.

I've never read a memoir before with the exception of The Autobiography of Malcolm X which doesn't really count because my father MADE me read that one summer. I typically read fiction or "educational" books {typically history} but I stumbled across a memoir that I'm dying to read. It's called Hungry and its written by Crystal Renn a plus-sized model. Crystal is my age. She models A LOT for Lane Bryant and Forever21's new Faith21 line and she's GORGEOUS. To "clarify" her size, she wears a size 12 which still makes me laugh that its considered "plus" but whatever. What's interesting about Crystal's story is she used to be a "normal" sized model (size 0) and had a severe eating disorder to maintain that size.

Crystal has such an important message about self-love and being happy--and the importance of being healthy. I wake up every morning and I work out. I make a concerted effort to eat healthily but I don't deprive myself of anything I want (hence the sushi meal I inhaled a few hours ago). Maintaining my health is sooo important to me--I don't want things like heart disease or diabetes to stop me from living the life I want to live. But its also important in terms of how I mentally view myself and by extension treat others.

In the past year I've come into a certain level of acceptance with myself and my body, but I won't lie and say there aren't times (many times lately) that I'm insecure and I fear that the insecurity projects towards others. I want to project confidence and a comfort in my own skin because I recognize insecurity in others around me and its such an unattractive quality. But self-confidence is an ongoing process. But the daily work outs help. It lifts my spirits to work hard...sweat it out. And this may sound bizarre, but I feel sexiest when I step off the elliptical. Sweat dripping. But hey, that's just me.

Anyway, I'm really excited about checking out Hungry. I rarely have time to read for pleasure but I'm going to try and fit this one in during Spring Break. I just have a feeling the book is going to be not only an interesting read, but provide me with some personal insights (that of course I'll share).

Isn't Crystal gorgeous???

Kanye West, Coldest Winter

Kanye West recently released a music video for "Coldest Winter" a track off of 808's & Heartbreak. Visually, I think the video is stunning. Say what you will about Kanye West, he is such a creative and innovative spirit and you can tell that for him music is truly a visual experience. Thematically, the video is a little dark for me and I'm not quite sure what's going on {is the girl being taken to hell??} but I'm just happy to see Kanye being creative again. It seems like he still has something things he wants to work out via his music/art.

Family Law Class Notes

I don't talk a lot about law school except to complain about how hard it is. Family Law is one of my classes and I thought I'd give you guys a taste of what the students do in family law---at least THIS student, anyway:

For the 2 hours that is Family Law I play Family Feud Online. I figured it was an appropriate game for this class...This class is sooooooooo boring. The teacher sounds like a mix between Meryl Streep in Julie & Julia and Shirley MacLaine from Steel Magnolias. She doesn't teach much. She just puts up these 3-line slides that she doesn't post online and she flips through in seconds. I've given up on paying attention. I'll just end up buying a study guide and getting it together at the last minute. Woes of a law student (sigh). By the way, I'm AMAZING at online Family Feud. Killer.

Dance it out.

The past few weeks have been uber stressful.Without boring you with the details of my law school life, I basically had a graded rough draft of a pretty major assignment due last Friday..plus I had to read for/go to all my other classes and it was a big stressful mess. I've come to the conclusion I don't handle stress very well. Though I consciously went to the gym each morning in hopes of relieving some of the tension, I ended up getting an incredibly painful crick in my neck that WOULD NOT GO AWAY. I'm pretty sure it was stress-related because as soon as I turned the assignment in, I took a nap, and *poof* pain was gone. By the end of the week I had a pretty emotional breakdown. I essentially cried my eyes out until I literally could not produce more tears and then I was manipulated by a MovieGallery worker to sign up for some $15/month membership foolishness that I'll be opting out of now that I'm in my RIGHT mind. {Long story.}

Anyway, in celebration of being done with the first draft of the brief, I went out with my law skewlies Friday night and had some drinks. A lot of drinks. I had like 2 beers. 2 champagne/vodka infusions (heavenly) and you KNOW I was "law school wasted" when I accepted a shot that included among other things Jager. (I don't DO shots.) It was cool, but the hangover...uhh...not so much. Saturday night, I went with KFM and KRC to a house party of some 3Ls that I didn't really know. I didn't really care about the party, it was just something to do...I wore jeans and a sweater w/ my Uggs. I ended up having the BEST TIME. They played some classic hip-hop, some Britney Spears, and even a little disco. And I just danced it out. At one point I went down a soultrain line. *Side-eye* I danced...and danced...and laughed...and laughed. I fistpump'd my LIFE away. I was completely sober and had a BALL!

It reminded me a lot of Grey's Anatomy and how Meredith and Cristina "dance out" their problems. Sometimes that's all you can do is dance it out.

The Realest Thing I Never Wrote 2.17.10

 I believe that if, at the end of it all, according to our abilities, we have done something to make others a little happier, and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do. To make others less happy is a crime. To make ourselves unhappy is where all crime starts. We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems, our health, our circumstances. We must try. I didn't always know this, and am happy I lived long enough to find it out. 

–Roger Ebert, film critic

Mouth meet Soap

Today is Mardi Gras {laissez les bon temps rouler!} which means tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent season. This year I've decided to give up a biggie--no cursing for 40 effing days! So if you see some posts with cuss words, call me out!

This is going to be tough people. I've never believed in that "people cuss because they don't know how to use their words" bullshit. I cuss because I like it. "You're getting on my nerves" doesn't sound as passionate as "You're getting on my fucking nerves." Sitting in a law school class where your professor either isn't teaching or is giving you "busy work" calls for: "This is that bullshit!" I use cuss words to get my point across.

I also use curse words as terms of endearment. Most females in my life are "bitches" {hell some guys, too.} "Bitch, please" and "Really, bitch?" are 2 of my favorite phrases. I'll have to come up with some alternatives. Does "trick" constitute a curse word? Hmmm. It probably does...this is going to be difficult.

But I'm doing it. No cursing for 40 days. It's the least I can do seeing as to how Jesus was whipped until his flesh was gone, got nailed to a cross...died...and came back. (sigh)

Kanye (and Keri Hilson's) Workout Plan

Today I was on the ArcTrainer and was approaching the last five minutes of my workout. I had a pretty painful crick in my neck and I was basically just ready to GET OFF the machine. I was all set to press "stop" until Keri Hilson's "Knock You Down" came on and I was inspired to keep going.

I was pretty much obsessed with this song when I first heard it last spring. The beat is infectious (perfect for the ArcTrainer or elliptical) and I loooove Kanye's verses: "How could a goddess ask someone that's only average for advice? OMG. You listened to that bitch?!"

I just love the song. Its crazy because my Workout Playlist on my iPod seems to know the exact moment when I'm ready to throw in the towel because it seems right when I'm like "F it! 40 minutes is enough" "Knock You Down" starts playing. Its the perfect workout song. Love it!

Soul Searching

Disclaimer: This is not an anti-Valentine's Day post. I promise. As a matter of fact, despite the fact I'm stuck at the law school working on this heinous appellate brief for legal writing and have no "valentine" per se, I'm having a pretty good day. My sister sent me a cute little V-Day card with $25 and it made me smile. So this year, I'm not "beefing" with Valentine's Day at all. So, Happy Valentine's Day, people--single or attached, I hope you have love in your life today. Ok. Enough of that.

I follow The Daily Love on Twitter. Basically whomever these Daily Love people are tweet positivity all day long--similar to Rev. Run's tweets. And sometimes they're really inspiring/motivating tweets. Sometimes they're really cheesy/annoying tweets. Other times they're thought-provoking tweets. The other day, @TheDailyLove tweeted this:

When u meet the other 1/2 of your soul u will know why it didnt work out until now & be greatful 2 those who let u go #TDL

Now. On one hand I 100% agree that when you encounter something in life that's "right"--whether it be a relationship (platonic or romantic), a job, a place, etc., you will know that its right and you can then look back at past situations and clearly see what was wrong. Afterall, hindsight is 20/20. However, something about this tweet caused me to pause. I feel as if The Daily Love has based this tweet upon a rather large assumption--the everyone meets their supposed "other half".

I don't know if I believe that. If I'm supposed to be finding the other half of my soul does that mean my soul/life is currently incomplete until I find said person? I cannot wrap my head (or my heart) around that. Because there are people in this world who never get married or never feel they've met a soulmate--what do we tell those people? Sucks to be you? Kill yourself? Kick rocks? Uh. Ok.

I believe we had "complete" souls before we were ever born and will have "complete" souls after we die. A lot of my religious/spiritual beliefs are rooted in a strong belief in the transformative power of love. I even believe in soulmates--as the years go by I grow more and more convinced that V is my soulmate. While the idea of an incompleteness inside of me that can only be filled by my husband is a sweet and incredibly romantic notion, I don't think I believe that at all. I don't think our lives are about finding this mythical "The One". I believe our lives are journeys, full of life lessons. Some of us are lucky to walk that journey with another person--a spouse, a sibling, a friend. Others walk the journey alone, interacting with people along the way. But where you end up at the end of your life has nothing to do with this "One" completing your soul. I've witnessed too many things for me ever to believe that.

I look at my parents who have been married for 30 years. They're best friends. They "complete" each other in the sense that each is the Ying to the others Yang. They made a decision 30 years ago to go through this life thing together. They've built a home. They've built a family. But heaven forbid something were to happen to one of them or they were to decide to divorce--is the others soul now "incomplete" again? Nope. They're just on a new path now. Headed somewhere different--somewhere they never anticipated.

One of my favorite sayings is, "The only constant in the world is change." The world around us is ever-changing and it changes so much I don't think we could ever boil down the soul or spirit to the pursuit of another. Our lives are about so much more than that. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to meet a guy who wanted to go through this with me. I'm very much so in awe and envious of what my parents have. It hasn't been perfect AT ALL. But at the end of the day, they each wake up and choose to continue to walk with the other. And that's powerful. But even without the other person, they're lives and souls are very much so filled with purpose.

I guess what really bothered me about The Daily Love's tweet is that it encourages us to get completely lost in another person. It wants us to believe that one person can complete our very essence. That's not only untrue but an incredibly dangerous notion...Just something I was thinking about.

Rihanna, "Rude Boy"

My favorite song off Rated R hands down. Enjoy.

12 days. No Water.

We Are The World-25 is an updated version of We Are The World written by Lionel Richie and Michael Jackson. Proceeds from the single benefit the Haitian relief effort. I have to say, I really love this song. I love the original and I strongly like this updated version. In all honestly, I could have done without the "rap break" and T-Pain's "soulful" autotuning but all-in-all I believe the original message is quite intact. Stand out soloists for me were Pink, Celine Dion, and Jennifer Hudson. I've always been a Pink fan from afar, but her parts in this remake just sound so sincere and from the heart. She's got an amazing voice, too. Also, when Kanye says: "12 days. No Water. Where's your will to live?" It puts it all into perspective for me.

I've tried to do as much as I can to help contribute financially to the Haitian relief effort. I text'd the Red Cross. I went to a Haiti Relief event sponsored by the Law School SBA and now I've downloaded We Are the World-25. Its quite humbling to think one minute you're living your life (in one of the world's poorest nations) and in an instant the ground shakes, opens up and changes your reality FOREVER. I just hope that 6 weeks, 6 months, and 6 years from now we don't forget what happened to the people of Haiti and we make a commitment to offer them our prayers, love, and support.

NBC's Parenthood

Now the last thing I need is yet another television show to watch, but let's be frank: I'm a television junkie. I'm really excited about NBC's new show Parenthood which among a lot of other people stars Lauren Graham (the mom from Glmore Girls) whom I absolutely adore. This one is definitely added to the must-see list....

Bricklayer

Sensitivity like kindness is often mistaken for weakness. Sensitive people are easy targets. They wear large targets on their backs begging people to use and abuse them. Confession: I am an extremely sensitive person. Growing up I probably cried every day. Lately, I'd say on average three times per week, I cry. If I go longer than a week without crying, I'm usually burying something, deep down inside. It used to bother me that I was so sensitive. But now I just accept it as fact. It just is.

The problem with being so sensitive is that it has significantly impacted my life experiences and thus life lessons. I grew up in a house with sister's who teased—I got teased about the gap in my teeth, my awkward skinniness, my inability to shave my legs without supervision—I was just a late bloomer in life and my big sister's tortured me for it. {Don't feel too bad for me, I have a great relationship with my sisters now} In our house there was no "tattling." When Njeri picked on me for having a large gap, you didn't tell Dad—because this was his stock response: "Are you [insert insensitive pseudonym/comment]? Well then why do you let it get to you." The teasers were never punished to which I would whine: "But Daddy, that's not fair!" And then he'd say (of course): "Well, Akili, life isn't fair. You've got to learn how to deal."

Ugh! I hate that phrase. Who came up with "Life isn't fair"? I don't like them. Because at the root of my sensitivity is my sincere belief that life maybe isn't fair, but it very much so should be. I believe that good things should happen to good people. Bad people will get theirs in the end and that people who have a lot should help those who have little to nothing. I view the world through very rose-colored glasses and remain constantly disappointed when things don't work out how I think they should in my head. In 24 years I haven't given up looking at the world the way they should be. I don't know how. It's just who I am.

But it's dangerous to live in the "this is how the world should be"-Universe because you're constantly disappointed. Of course Heartbreaker, Pseudo Boyfriend, etc., hurt me/disappointed me. As soon as they did things they "shouldn't" have done, a wall of sorts was built. I was hurt. And I began to shut down. Because when you're a sensitive idealist like me, you have high expectations and when people don't measure up, you're devastated.

So in recognition of my sensitivity I'm a wall-builder and tend to be unforgiving. I live by the "fool me once" doctrine and once you've hurt me that's it. I look at you differently, you shift roles in my life. It's sensitive survival 101. It might not be right, but I fear what my life would be if I didn't react this way.

I'm a really loving person. I love people and being around people. But when I consider someone to be someone special in my life---boyfriend, girlfriend, hell even family, and they burn me, its devastating and all I can do is put up a wall. All I can do is be "sassy Akili" because any other version of myself is open to ridicule. I don't wanna be the girl who spent 7^th and 8^th grade crying, reading, and doing homework in her walk-in closet, isolated from friendships and family out of deep hurt, disappointment, and fear. I refuse to be that girl ever again. If anything, I'm determined to be that girl's protector.

So yeah. I build walls. I'm a brick layer. I start off open to new people and recoil when harmed. There are days I want to be something or someone else. But I don't know how. For me its dangerous to react differently. I recognize it isn't the best way to be. But I can't change. Because us people, we don't do the things we should do…

Channing Tatum Makes Me Happy

The ignorant sick Channing Tatum was on The Ellen Degeneres Show to promote Dear John (which I saw, by the way. Not quite The Notebook, but if you need a good cry/hot-guy fix, go see it) and Ellen brought up his past as a male stripper. I love how embarrassed/cute he is...so just because he made me smile on this cold, winter day, I decided to share...

50 Million Pound Challenge

I've been going through A LOT lately and suddenly feel the need to cleanse my life--of people, things, attitudes, and poundage. I just need a new energy. The last time I felt this great a need for change I was about 14 and I cut off all my hair--and it was life changing.

I feel the need to be better to myself: mentally, spiritually, and physically. While I've been gym'ing for ~2weeks consistently (at first my body resisted...now my body is IN LOVE the ache that follows a good workout), I've been eating like a pregnant horse which is kind of counter productive. One of my biggest issues is I use food to socialize which isn't always conducive to healthy eating.

I've decided to give Dr. Ian Smith's 50 Million Pound Challenge a try. Its a great interactive website that tracks your weight loss progress, gives you a 30-day meal plan with accompanying shopping list and an online food journal. Basically it takes away a lot of the CHOICE in it all, which with my busy lifestyle I need. While doing this challenge means no more bounding with friends over fattening lunches/dinners, I'm willing to make that sacrifice at this point. I think as I begin to transform my body and more importantly become more conscious about what I'm putting in my mouth, I'll begin to have clarity in other aspects of my life. Here's a look at the 30-day meal plan:

I seriously doubt I'll have time to eat 4 meals a day...just isn't realistic. I'll probably just have 3 meals and the 2 snacks. Also I need to start taking a multivitamin because I'm EXHAUSTED all the time. And exhaustion is NOT conducive to my lifestyle right now. Plus, a sleepy Akili is a bitchy Akili and NO ONE needs that! As a reward for sticking to this program, I've decided to pick out an AMAZING dress to wear to this years Law Prom and plan to look ignorant-sexy in it. As soon as I find said dress, I'll post. :)

I just need something new. I just need to shake things up a bit in my life. And this is my physical contribution. I'll blog about the rest another day {school is currently demanding my attention, imagine that}.

For more information on the 50 Million Pound Challenge check out the website here.

Musical Memories

Music is a truly powerful thing. There's music to match EVERY mood possible. Music can celebrate with us "It's a celebration BITCHES!!!!" (Thanks, Kanye). Music can wallow with us "I'm too young to feel this old..." (Thanks, King of Leon). But what's must incredible is the way music can form our memories. Every Ludacris song immediately transforms me back to freshman year homecoming with "Ludashots" {aka the BIGGEST JELLO SHOTS EVER} and Chicken N Beer---oh the beginning of the Freshman 15 40.

Well today, in an attempt to procrastinate further from my law school studies, I decided to rewatch John Mayer's Vh1 Storytellers ONDEMAND. Mayer opened the show with "No Such Thing" which is the first John Mayer song I ever heard. All of a sudden I was 16 year-old living in Room 306 in the Female Dormitory at the Alabama School of Mathematics and Science. I had a smoking body--and didn't know it and hid it underneath baggy t-shirts and saggy-ass'd jeans. I lived with MB who was obsessed with John Mayer, Pete Yorn and Barry Zito. She believed that duck tape truly could fix anything and even constructed purses and yes a SKIRT out of gray duck tape. She played John Mayer's debut album, Room for Squares obsessively. I tried to pretend I didn't like it, but you can't fight John Mayer. He's just too damn good. I remember it all so vividly. Such a clear and powerful memory.

Its kind of like when we all had the projects when we were kids and you had to ask an older person, "Where were you when JFK or MLK was assassinated?" Songs bring me back to specific places. "No Such Thing" was the moment I discovered and completely fell in love with John Mayer. Because despite his douchey Twitter antics, John Mayer gets it. He writes incredible songs! He gets that even though I'm only 3 weeks shy of 24, its been a LONG TIME since 22. He, like me, wakes up every day trying to be the person who speaks when spoken to...and we both fail at that miserably. LOL. But perhaps most specially, I remember that "No Such Thing" was a good time in my life. I was living on my own--sort of. Doing my own laundry, going to bed when I felt like it, bouncing checks {hehe}. I was independent and it was so empowering.

"No Such Thing" marks the time in my life I began to grow up. Good memory.

7 Mistakes Single Women Make

Here's another Yahoo! Personals find re: dating/relationships and I looooove. I'm definitely going to take the advice about writing a list re: why he wouldn't want to date me...its probably going to be scary. LOL. 

Here’s what many single women do that we might want to reconsider:

1. We feel entitled.
Gottlieb: “Women try to be good friends to each other. We say, ‘You deserve this, you’re so great! You’re such a good catch! Any man would be lucky!’ [Men don’t say that to each other.] We are good catches, but we also are human and we’re not perfect and somebody’s going to have to put up with us for the rest of his life. And we forget. My dating coach said, write down all the reasons a guy would not want to date you. At first I didn’t think I had that many things, because you think you’re a pretty good catch. He said, what you think of as quirky, endearing, and cute, is really annoying to someone else. But he would love you so much that he would overlook that. And you need to overlook things in him. Everybody has to compromise.”

2. We think we have unlimited options.
Gottlieb: “You walk into a store and you know you want a sweater and it has to go with this outfit and it has to be this color, and you’d like to be on sale. You find something great, but you wonder if there’s something better out there, so you keep searching. In the end, after three more weeks of searching for the perfect sweater—was it so much better than the one you could have bought originally? Whether it’s with men or sweaters…if you just think you have unlimited options for the rest of your life, of course you’ll keep looking, who wouldn’t?”

3. We’re judgmental.
Gottlieb: “The guys I interviewed for the book said women judge them so much. Women gave me 300 reasons they wouldn’t go on a second date with a guy, and men gave 3. When guys are ready for that stage of life, they find someone who is good enough that they’re totally in love with—but that person may not seem to the outside world to be as appealing in superficial ways—maybe she’s not as accomplished or funny as the last girl. Whatever he sees in her, he does. Guys don’t sit and micro-analyze a woman the way a woman would with a man. He knows she’s not as hot as the last girl he dated, but that’s okay. She’s hot enough.”

4. We’re pickier than men.
Gottlieb: “With online dating, we judge based on objective criteria (height, sports nut), rather than subjective (attraction), which you can’t judge until you meet the person. When you read other people’s profiles, don’t make assumptions or rule them out because of one thing they wrote. You can fall in love with a guy who wrote that he likes Madonna, but you can’t fall in love with a guy who isn’t kind.”

5. We go for the alpha males.
Gottlieb: “In cities where you find a lot of really ambitious, Type A, driven people, like in NYC and L.A., with the entertainment business and Wall Street…you get a lot of ‘maximizers’ [people who keep looking over their shoulder for something better]. Maximizer women date maximizer men. They will be just as picky in a bad and unhealthy way. The men who are actually available and wanting commitment and who are smart and funny and cute—maybe one guy is a little bit shorter, so he’s not getting the women. Maybe he’s not smooth initially or in big groups, but he is one-on-one. These are the kind of people who when you’re 35, 45, 55, that you’ll be happy with when you’re married, and the guy who is super charming at the party and has the crowd of women around him, maybe he’s not going to make as good of a husband. Maybe he’s not going to call you back. That guy is going to be judgmental and picky, and who wants that?”

6. We think, “I love me more.”
Gottlieb: “We don’t need a man. We don’t. But if you want one and you go around with this attitude of ‘I love me more,’ [what Samantha said in the Sex and the City movie, after she dumps a hot guy who helped her through cancer (and female audiences cheered)] well, a relationship is about reciprocity, so you need to love yourself and you need to be able to have some selflessness and love somebody else. Women take Samantha’s message as really empowering. If you don’t want to be alone—maybe Samantha does—that’s a dangerous message.”

7. We think he needs to share every interest.
Gottlieb: “We say, ‘I’m a writer, but he doesn’t read! I’m creative.’ But people can be creative in different ways, and the fact that he doesn’t read the same books that you do, well, maybe he wants someone who he can talk about the baseball game with but you’re not that person. The guy doesn’t have to be one-stop shopping. You’re not going to share every single interest, and that’s okay. The shared interest should be, Do we want the same things out of life? Do we both want to be married right now?”

Marry Him is in stores this Thursday, February 4. Watch Lori Gottlieb on the Today show on Feb. 4 and catch her in NYC on Feb. 4 at 7 p.m. at Borders (57th and Park Avenue), or in L.A., Feb. 10 at 7 p.m., Borders (Westwood Blvd.).

Blue Valentine

Blue Valentine premiered at this years Sundance Film Festival. It stars Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams. The movie was supposed to be filmed a while back, but Williams took time off after Heath Ledger died. The romantic drama tells the story of married couple Cindy (Michelle) and Dean (Ryan) who, in an attempt to save their marriage, steal away to a theme hotel, where they relive their entire love story from beginning to tumultuous present.

 

 

I'm really excited about this movie. If two people were EVER going to have chemistry, I think it'd be Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling. I love both actors as individuals and so I'm really pumped about seeing them as a tortured couple. I hope this isn't one of those films that's only going to show in NYC/LA. Its at times like these I hate being in a small town, hehe.

{images via EW.com}

Yum-O: Simple Chicken & Pasta

Lately I've been trying to do more things with myself--I hardly spend alone time anymore that's not academically related. In an attempt to get back to me, I decided to cook myself dinner. I adore food but even more importantly I love preparing food. Cooking is one of my favorite escapes. So anyway, I called my Mom to get a figure-friendly chicken recipe and she reminded me of one of the easiest and yummiest. I decided to make enough to eat for dinner and then take some for lunch sometime this week. The recipe doesn't really have a name. But here's the jist of it...

• 2 Chicken Breasts (seasoned w/ fresh garlic, seasoned salt, and various Italian seasonings)
• Brown both sides of the chicken in a cast-iron skillet w/ olive oil
• After both sides are brown'd, put tomato, red onion, bell pepper, scallions (seasoned with salt/pepper) in the skillet. 
• Place the skillet in the oven at 350. Cook until chicken is completely cooked. 
• Serve the chicken/roasted veggies over a single serving of whole wheat pasta
• While in the oven, the olive oil/veggie make a sauce of sorts. 

The dinner was soooo good. The perfect serving. I'm not too full. Just satisfied. I love cooked vegetables and this was just so easy to make. Plus its just so pretty to look at. I'm definitely going to cook more often--its such a stress reliever and the eating is quite the bonus! 

Behind the Lyrics.

Maybe because the Grammy Awards were last night I'm in a pretty musical mood. One of my favorite songs from 2009 was Maxwell's "Pretty Wings". You know how you'll like a song but not really pay attention to what the artist is really singing? Well that's how I feel about "Pretty Wings". I just knew that Maxwell was singing the shit out of this gorgeous song, but after googling the lyrics last night, I looooove it even more. Its such a beautiful and bittersweet break-up song. I typically have no sympathy for unfaithful men, but the lyrics of this song have me wondering what it must feel like to have a relationship end and realize its all your fault. That's probably the most difficult thing to do--face ones own wrong doing, take responsibility and move on. Heavy stuff...

Time will bring the real end of our trial
One day there'll be no remnants,
no trace no residual
feelings within ya One day you won't remember me.

Your face will be the reason I smile
But I will not see what I cannot have forever
I'll always love ya
I hope you feel the same.
 
Oh, you played me dirty, your game was so bad
You toyed with my affliction
Had to fill out my prescription
Found the remedy
I had to set you free.

Away from me
To see clearly
The way that love can be when you are not with me
I had to leave
I had to live
I had to lead
I had to live

If I can't have you
Let love set you free to fly your pretty wings around.

Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings. Pretty wings around.

I came wrong you were right
Transformed your love into lie
Baby believe me I'm sorry I told you lies

I turned day into night
Sleep till I die a thousand times
I should have showed you better nights, better times, better days
And I miss you more and more

If I can't have you
Let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings, your Pretty wings around

So Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings, your Pretty wings around

Say Pretty wings, oh pretty wings,
Pretty wings yeah, Pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings around,
pretty wings, your pretty wings around

Pretty , Pretty , Pretty
Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings, Pretty wings around

Someone better is gonna love you
Someone, Someone is gonna love you baby

Pretty wings, your pretty wings,
Pretty wings, Pretty wings around