I Passed.

I am officially. Legally. An attorney. With a license. To practice the law. 

Faith is reason grown courageous.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. --Hebrews 11:1

Before you start to worry this isn't a "religious" post. I'm not a "religious" person. I'm a spiritual person. I'm a believer. But no need to worry, I will not be standing up on my soapbox or preaching. Not my thing. I don't believe in that {no pun intended}.

Today while at the gym attempting to work off this afternoon's Chipotle {sidenote: I've completely broken up with Moe's for Chipotle. I feel a little guilty about it. Another post, though.} I looked up at the television and saw this family on ABC watching a shuttle launch at night/early morning. It reminded me of this amazing opportunity I had in high school to watch the shuttle Discovery launch at about 4:00 AM. It was a pitch dark sky and when the shuttle launched it lit up the entire sky like day...and I cried. It remains to this day the single most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Ever. And in that moment, I was filled with...faith.

Faith is a funny thing. One of my favorite songs is "Have a Little Faith in Me" but in all honesty, in my life I don't have a lot of faith in people. People are the root of a lot of problems and man is so finicky...so imperfect...people are not something I'd ever have faith in. Not really, anyway. I've seen and experienced too much disappointment to ever put faith in another person. I'm a believer but I'm not stupid.

But I believe in love. {cue the vomit} I believe that love can be transformative. Love can change lives. Love for a higher power. Love for oneself. Love for one's family. Love for one's mate. Love can turn an okay looking guy into the man of your dreams. Love can keep a dad in a job he HATES just to provide for his kid. Love is an unknown. Its largely been a mystery to me. Because while I believe in love--that its pretty much the point of this whole thing called life, I'm also terrified of it. In John Mayer's "Heartbreak Warfare" he asks: "if you want more love, why don't you say so?" And the answer is, "because I'm afraid you'll say no."

I've come to the conclusion that I primarily operate my life and approach to relationships out of fear. I don't mean just romantic relationships either...all my relationships are primarily fueled by fear. I speak out or hold my tongue depending on fear. I'm constantly afraid. I'm not sure of what. Maybe rejection? All I know is that while I believe in love, I don't have much faith in it. I'm not ready to take the leap for it. Because I'm afraid.

But when I think about being left behind. Rejected. Or hurt, I then think about being 14 years old and watching an explosion that propelled an aluminum can into outerspace and how much it moved me. I was in awe of the technology. I was in awe of the beauty. I was in awe of the fact the people were in that aluminum can that was taking them to the stars {and people say there is no God. hmph!} I understand that if that explosion that made the night sky so gorgeous can move me that there's something out there for me. That beautiful sky represented possibility and hope to me. There's something transformative out there for me. I don't know what or who it is. I can't see it. I can't feel it or touch it...but its there and I'm going to find it. Once I get over this whole rejection-phobia...

And that is faith.