So a friend’s situation recently has led me to believe that men are magicians. Or superheroes. Or some sci-fi combination of both.
Last night when I was freezing my butt off in class, I got a telephone call and frantic text message from NT. The text message said: “Why did the Dark Lord just call me and leave a vm asking what I was up to.” The Dark Lord is one of NT’s exs. I used to like him but over the years he’s just become more and more of a douche. [I now believe he's simply mentally unstable and a bit evil] He callously dumped her on their anniversary and she has slowly but surely moved on. So needless to say TDL’s text was unwanted. They hadn’t talked in weeks, maybe even months.
I quickly jumped into friend mode and instructed NT not to respond to his pathetic excuse of communication. Their last communications, to put it mildly, were not pleasant and after such a long time, when she’s doing so well, he comes back with “what are you up to”? Can we say LAME!?!
After NT and TDL broke up she was a mess. She gained in obscene amount of weight. She was depressed. She starting eff’ing up in school and got put on probation. It was just bad. Now as she is nearing the end of her education and has gotten a sweet job offer and has gotten back into the gym and is looking/feeling better—HE CALLS?
How do guys do that? How do they know the exact moment when you are getting over them and manage to call and drag you back in?? Do they have some magical track on us like the vampires in True Blood? Are they mind/emotion readers? I really don’t know. But a guy’s ability to sense an inkling of happiness in a former gf is uncanny. Eerily so.
Heartbreaker used to do the same thing to me. He would feel my happiness. I remember when I first starting dating Pseudo-Boyfriend my junior year in college. I was SO happy. I wasn’t thinking about Heartbreaker. I was infatuated with PB—talking to him all times of night. Running up my text messages [when I didn’t have unlimited]. Going out on dates. I was in such a good place. Like clockwork HB called—“I miss you. You’re my best friend. I need you. Blah blah blah.” And I got sucked back in. Not fully in—I was still in a relationship with PB but I let HB back into my world when frankly he had no place there.
HB smelled my joy and slithered his way back into my life attempting to muck it up. He criticized my relationship. He made sly comments about how when we used to be close. He was basically a hater. Looking back on it now, I see him as the little angel [more so devil] on my shoulder convincing me to ruin a relationship that had finally brought me something good.
He wasn’t successful. I am happy to report PB and I managed to break up all on our own. But I am still amazed how HB, whom I hadn’t talked to in 6+ months was able to sniff out the new man in my life and commence a full attack on the relationship.
How do men do this? I don’t know. I will have to consult my malexperts/guy friends and see if they know of the male species’ secret jedi-mind tricks that I’m ignorant of.
In the meanwhile, I’ve advised NT to revisit “They Call It a Breakup Because Its Broken” and hoping she’ll tell The Dark Lord to go F*CK himself!
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