Being beautiful is a state of mind

So last night I hit the bar scene in Tuscaloosa. Tuscaloosa is the quintessential college town. Life revolves around the University and thus the bars/eateries completely pander to college life. There's no young professional scene so when going out you have to be prepared to deal with undergrads and all the ridiculousness that comes with that. [I'm amazed that I used to be one such undergrad--I definitely cannot party like I used to].

Anyway, last night I went to this bar called The Bear Trap on the Strip. I actually really like TBT. It has clean bathrooms and just a cool clean vibe. There's also a rooftop bar which is pretty effing awesome and they make incredible nachos. But I digress.

I went with A and C to see this local band that C has been raving about for the longest. Some of C's friends from high school turned her on to this band who's style I can't even really describe. Its all live instrumentation--guitars, horns, etc., and they play everything from original music to covers of Outkast, John Legend, Marley. It was sooooo refreshing to hear some good live music last night! We sat in this corner table with C's guy friends and just groove'd to the tunes. Low-key yet good times.

C's friends were great. I love being around people who as soon as they meet you are ready to talk. Ready to joke. I laughed and laughed last night. Growing up I always felt insecure around white guys. It was more so prejudice based off my own peronal experiences with them ["Adrienne, you're so pretty for a black girl" usually doesn't build one's self-esteem up]. I always felt like they were judging me, sizing me up. But not last night, it was just chill. It was nice. I felt good--I felt like I looked good. And when dealing with men that's half the battle.

Hanging out with the guys got me thinking about how I deal with men and the current crisis of my love life [I don't have one]. Maybe I'm the problem? Granted, Tuscaloosa is not bustling with eligible bachelors. Majority of the guys I see or meet in town are 19 or have metal in their mouths--at this point in my life neither are appealling options. Its not that I'm looking to get married next week or something but the next guy that I date I'd like it to be an option. I don't wanna go into something knowing neither one of us is really taking the other one seriously. But sometimes I feel like I don't send out the vibes that I'm single and ready to mingle. I think it has a lot to do with the weight I gained.

Let's be frank, I gained a heap of weight. I was fat. I got control of that and lost 20 lbs. I'm still not "skinny" by any means but I can put on a dress and feel good about myself again. I still need to lose some more. I'm not at my goal yet. But the point I'm trying to make is that a lot of attraction and sexiness is internal. I didn't feel good in my own skin and that shows. I used to tell myself I wasn't pretty--or someone else was prettier. But if that was the case it's because I made myself not pretty just by telling myself negative things.

Last night, in my purple dress I felt good. And that's quite an accomplishment for me.

Oh yeah, and word to the wise. When going out drinking, when you know you will inevitably break the seal, DO NOT wear any type of one-piece spanx or supportive undergarments. They are a BITCH to take off in the bar. Especially when your pissing every 20 min.