Eat. Love. Pray

My name is Adrienne and I'm an emotional eater. There I've said it. I'm an emotional eater in the best and worst way(s) possible. I love food. I've been having a love affair with food for 23+ years. And I don't see it coming to an end anytime soon.

This is a bit of a problem. I, after all, am NOT one of those women who can just eat, eat, and eat and never gain a pound. Oh I'll gain 10, then 20, maybe even 30 pounds. And THAT my friends is NOT what's hot in the streets. So lately I've been struggling on how to reconcile my love for food/eating with losing weight and maintaining a weight I'm happy with...

My emotions are very much so wrapped up in my food. For years Oprah has been talking about how she ate to deal with self-esteem issues and depression. I eat when I'm sad. I think that's normal for many people out there. But I also eat when I'm happy. I eat to fellowship. I eat to show love. How I feel and the act of eating are inextricably intertwined. Growing up, my mother always cooked for us on special occasions. To this day, if I'm home for my birthday, we get our choice of meal [usually my Mom's enchiladas] and a red velvet cake [yumm!]. When I go home for the holidays my mom buys cinammon-swirl bread from the breadstore cause she HAS to make french toast for her girls. My mother shows us she loves us by cooking for us.

I'm the exact same way. My first date with Pseudo Boyfriend I invited him to my apartment and cooked him oven-fried chicken, penne pasta with pesto sauce, and green beans. He STILL talks about that meal to this day. It was how I non-verbally showed him that I was interested. Ask any of my friends, when I called them 9 times out of 10 I want to know if they wanna go grab something to eat. Its not because I'm an obese out of control fatty--it's how I show that I was thinking of them, want to spend time with them...I love to talk with the people I love over an incredible meal and a good glass of wine.

I had a terrible day today. I woke up groggy and dreading the fact it was Monday. I put on clothes--changed my outfit like 3 times--and was FINALLY ready to head out. Then I couldn't find my goddamn keys! I looked for the sh!ts for like 45 min and finally got out my spares and headed to school. The fact I KNEW the keys HAD to be somewhere in my apartment and that I STILL couldn't find them really pissed me off. It mucked up my entire day. What did I do? Bitch'd about it of course. But then I called Frank my M-F lunch buddy and asked if he wanted to grab lunch. He suggested Iguana Grill, one of our favorites and I had FAJITAS...yummm. Not apart of the "diet". Definitely an obscene amount of calories...but it did make up for my shitty start to the day. I then went home, climbed in the bed and lounged. [Yes I had class. I didn't go]. I wasn't even supposed to be eating out this week. I'm kind of broke and plus I tend to eat healthier if I cook meals for myself. As soon as my mood spiked I was ready to go out and grab a meal...

I dunno it just bothers me. Even though I associate both positive and negative feelings with food I feel like I should work to separate how I feel from when/what I eat. I fear that if I don't, when life gets REALLY tough I'll be 300 pounds trying to deal...

I know this is random, but it's where my head is at right now.