Who am I meant to be?

So this afternoon I was in SuperTarget doing a little grocery shopping and like most grocery stores on a Sunday afternoon the lines were OFF THE CHAIN. So, I spot Oprah looking snazzy on the cover of O: The Oprah Magazine and decide to see what this months issue is about. I immediately see that the main story for this month's issue is: "Who are you meant to be: a step-by-step guide to finding and fulfilling your life's purpose". I'm immediately intrigued. So, despite the fact that AJL laughs at me for reading O, I purchase the magazine [I really just need to bite the bullet and subscribe].

There's a lot of good stuff in this month's issue--one of the Columbine shooter's mother tells her heartbreaking story [I really felt for her--it was a beautifully written piece], there's a how-to-do-your-own-haircolor article [I've been coloring my own hair for years], but what really intrigued me was the main article about finding your life's purpose. There were a series of articles and ideas that I really liked but two things stuck out to me. The first are words by Anne Lamott [not sure who she is, but she can write her ass off] that have quickly made it into my quote collection [yes, I'm THAT girl, I collect quotes]. Ms. Lamott wrote: "To love yourself as you are is a miracle, and to seek yourself is to have found yourself, for now. And now is all we have, and love is who we are." Profound, huh? {Love it}.

As many of you know, battling depression and loving/feeling secure within myself has been the battle of my life. So these words really struck a chord with me. For me, loving myself--not the me I pretend to be or the me others perceive me to be is probably the most difficult thing I will ever do...I don't know if I'll ever achieve it, but I strive for it daily. It truly is a miracle.

The other thing from O that really stuck with me is actually from the same article by Anne Lamott. Ms. Lamott challenged the readers instead of striving to become the person you were meant to be, to simply STOP being the person you aren't. Here's an excerpt from the article:

"So the real issue is how do we gently stop being who we aren't? How do we relieve ourselves of the false fronts of people-pleasing and affectation, the obsessive need for power and security, the backpack of old pain, and the psychic Spanx that keeps us smaller and contained? Here's how I became myself: mess, failure, mistakes, disappointments, and extensive readings; limbo, indecision, setbacks, addiction, public embarrassment, and endless conversation with my best women friends..."

 Again. This really hit home for me. Life, at least for me, doesn't come with these grand and lofty revelations. I've primarily learned through trial and error. Example? Take Heartbreaker for instance. What did I learn?

1. Don't get with another chicks boy. No one likes a homewrecker.
2. To quote one of my favorite books: "if he isn't dating you, he's just NOT that into you."
   
3. When people show you who they really are, believe them. THEY AREN'T LYING!

If I hadn't endured that sh!teous "relationship" for all that time, I wouldn't know those 3 critical life lessons and wouldn't be the paragon of wisdom and romantic optimism I am today [a little sarcasm for loyal reader, Frank]. But in all seriousness, if it wasn't for the difficult time and the poor decision making on my part, I wouldn't know what the signs of THAT kind of "relationship" looked like. I wouldn't know that I can't handle the "casual thing". I wouldn't know a lot of things about myself. I used to hate it when people would say, "I don't believe in regrets--everything happens for a reason" but its true [for the most part]. I may not know who or what I'm meant to be, but a homewrecker who lets a guy walkover her heart is definitely something I've stopped being [and will NEVER be again].

And that my friends, is what I call growth!