Sorry Phil

On February 2 when Punxsutawney Phil predicted the end of winter it was about 19 degrees in ALABAMA with snow/ice in the forecast. Logically, when Phil said, "Spring is coming," I replied: BULLSHIT.

Well, Phil. When I'm wrong. I'm wrong. This past week has been absolutely heavenly. Its predicted to continue. There's nothing more beautiful than Alabama in Spring. I plan on enjoying it thoroughly...because tornado season is quickly approaching. (sigh)

Today I Feel...

...nothing and everything at the same time.

I dreaded the day I had to write this post. I knew I needed to. I knew it was coming. But I dreaded it nonetheless. But here it is. I am completely and utterly overwhelmed by my life. I am in the final four months of law school and for the first time in my entire life, I feel directionless. I typically would be waxing poetic about my law school journey and what I learned. I am in no state to do so. I am so happy to be graduating. It's the culmination of an almost 20-year dream. But I'm terrifed. And angry. And sad. And did I mention overwhelmed?

After 40 consecutive semesters in school, I find myself about receive a terminal degree. I held up my end of the bargain: I took the magnet/advanced/enrichment courses in middle school. I got nothing short of a 100 my freshman year in high school and promptly applied to ASMS. I performed well at ASMS. I went to college for free [my father's #1 goal for me]. I got into a reputable law school in the South. I performed well. I interned in the summers. I did my part, often to the detriment of other aspects of my life (namely, my personal life). I figured once I laid this exquisite foundation for the "how will you feed/clothe yourself" part of my life, I could work on the other parts. But now, I, like millions in this country am unemployed.

And I am numb. I like many of my classmates and friends in the legal community am a victim of the economy. [Note: HATE the word "victim". As soon as I'm done feeling sorry for myself I will never refer to myself as a victim again.] I never thought this would happen. And I have thus far been unable to shake the shock, awe, or anger. Frankly, this was not the plan. And I am struggling to create a new plan. Honestly, I don't know what the fuck to do. There I said it. Akili, the wise one is at a complete and utter loss. And I feel like I lack the tools to bounce back from this. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

I don't think my family understands the severity of the job market situation. They barely know what it is I do (or want to do). Sometime I wonder if they even care. I know they don't understand the anger and hurt I feel. Their attempts at support fail to penetrate. I know this is a time in my life where my resolve and my faith are supposed to kick in. I cannot seem to locate either. I am just wandering through my life aimlessly (or at least that's how I feel). I have my hurt in one hand and an alcoholic beverage in the other.

I am just tired. I am tired of people asking me if I've found a job. I am tired of people asking me if I'm excited about graduation. I am tired of people asking me what kind of law I want to practice. I am just tired. 

I want more than anything to believe when friends/mentors say this too shall pass. I really do. But right now. Today. In this moment. My hurt and the alcohol is heavy. But I am unable to put either down.

NCSU Pride!

So proud of my alma mater for making this video! I truly believe it can and will get better! Go Pack!

If u typ3 lik3 dis...

I cannot take you seriously.

I started my last first day of law school on 1.11.2011. I went to the bookstore. Got all my books for all my classes for under $400. The boy working in the bookstore flirted with me. And just like riding a bike, I gloriously flirted back. He asked for my number. He caught me in a good mood and wasn't atrocious-looking so I gave him my number.

About two weeks go by and I never hear from bookstore boy. I, honestly, forgot all about him, until a cough sent me into the store in search of cough drops. I see Bookstore Boy and he asks me how I've been. We engage in small talk for a few minutes and then he asks me, "So, you don't like texting?" I laugh and inform, Bookstore Boy I'm not fundamentally opposed to texting. He explains he'd texted me twice with no response. I let him know that I didn't get any texts from him (while thinking, um, why didn't you just pick up the phone and call me). Although I'm slightly annoyed, I re-give him my phone number and go on my merry way.

So this weekend, BB texts me...and its bad. Really bad. First, from years of having guy friends and watching them treat some girls well, others not so well, I'm weary of any guy who chooses to initially communicate with me exclusively through text message. Secondly, I cannot and will not take you seriously if you communicate with me via what I call "text talk." You are a grown man. You (should) know how to type a complete English sentence. And I need you to do so. Here's a sample of the wooing I was subjected to:

BB: Hey sweetie
Me: Um. Who is this?
BB: Bookstore Boy from the law school.
Me: Oh, hi. You might have wanted to lead with that, LOL
BB: Oh, my bad. Ive bn wntn 2 tlk 2 u 4 a while
Me: ...[I'm so taken aback by the "text talk" I don't know what to say, so finally I say:] And now you are...
BB: So wuts your name, again? [I've DIED at this point]
Me: ...Adrienne
BB: That's wuts up. So y arent u n relationship u dnt have time or somethin?
Me: That's a weird question--I'm just not in one. No particular reason. Why aren't YOU in a relationship--or are you? [after a 10 minute pause, during which I call a friend to relay the TERRIBLE texting I'm enduring]
BB: Im not thats y I wanna get 2 kno u
[I simply stopped texting at this point because I cant...]

 Y'all. Like seriously? Nothing about this guy indicated he texted/typed like an illiterate middle school-er. Not only are you unnecessarily replacing NECESSARY vowels in words/sentences, but you aren't talking about shit. You are 25-years-old and cannot have a f*cking conversation. Get off my phone! Do I need to get a writing sample before giving my number out in the future? I'm apparently not cut out for dating if this is what it means. Hopefully this was just a bad case...and now I have to ignore this boys atrocious text messages until he gets the point that its NOT going to happen. Ever.

The Kids Are All Right?

I have always been somewhat obsessed with popular culture--tv, music, movies, celebrity culture. Always. Part of my interest of course is fueled by one's natural attraction to the entertaining, but I also believe that pop culture holds a mirror up to society. The values of a generation, I believe, can be seen in the music and shows which are popular.

I remember when I was in middle school a new television show debuted on the WB and it was "controversial"--parents were concerned. They even did a news story about it on The Today Show. Dawson's Creek began airing in the fall of 1998. I was 12. I was obsessed. Looking back I find it absolutely laughable that Dawson's Creek was considered risque. But parents took issue with Joey so freely climbing into Dawson's bedroom and sharing his bed (even platonically). Then of course there was casual discussion of masturbation (I still remember blushing when Joey asked Dawson how often he "walked his dog" and Dawson replied, "In the mornings. Usually to Katie Couric!") and Pacey's affair with his 10th grade English teacher. Ok, so maybe there was a lot going on in Capeside, but compared to Gossip Girl, DC was kid-stuff. At the heart of the show was Katie Holmes's Joey Potter--a virgin. A hardworker. Her biggest problems were choosing between Dawson and Pacey, figuring out how to pay for college, and missing her deceased mother. Hardly a character one needed to shield their teen daughters from. Joey waited...for love. And ultimately ended up with the boy she lost her virginity to (TEAM PACEY!).

As much as I enjoyed Dawson's Creek as a kid, my high school experience was pretty much nothing like the kids in Capeside, Massachusetts. Granted, my high school life was atypical--I went to a boarding school nicknamed the "Alabama School of Sex & Marijuana"--but high school in Capeside was a little too after school special to be reality. Recently a new show, Skins debuted on MTV. An American version of a highly popular British series, Skins is risque and dare I say much more realistic than I think anyone's parent wants to admit. Parents are up in arms. The Parents Television Council has called for its cancellation. Both Taco Bell and Wrigley's Gum have refused to advertise during its airing. All the uproar has got me thinking about the goal of television/film.

Movies and tv show offer audiences a slice of fantasy, of fiction. They represent the way we wish life could be. But I have found that the best in film and television offer audiences a slice of what truly is. The best television shows reflect what is really happening in our kids schools, in their bedrooms, and most scarily in their heads. At 17 I knew kids who drank, smoked, and "tripped" on various forms of cold medicine--both pills and liquid. The primary cause for kids leaving ASMS after my sophomore year was either sex or drug related. The story after senior prom was two classmates had gone lesbian after experimenting with Ecstasy. We weren't "bad" kids. We weren't always "good" kids. We just lived a life. A life that is now being shown via shows like Skins. Perhaps slightly exaggerated for effect and entertainment, I think shows like Skins are accurate in their depiction of teen life.

If groups like the Parents Television Council don't like what they're seeing on television, rather than censoring the art form I suggest they start talking to their kids and counting the pills in the medicine cabinet.

Realest Thing I Never Wrote 1.10.11

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours." 

-- Ayn Rand

NYE in a few pictures

This year I spent NYE in Atlanta with friends rather than my typical at home drinking with the parentals. There aren't many pictures due to (1) my mental state NYE night and (2) I grabbed the wrong memory card and brought the one that literally holds like four pictures.

I spent the weekend drinking, laughing, drinking, and contemplating my 2011philosophy. Last year I adopted the "boss bitch" mentality--that was...interesting. Definitely time for something new...still contemplating that one...but here are a few pictures of my NYE at Sutra Lounge in Atlanta.