Kids do the darndest things

Wow. I haven't blogged in almost 2 weeks which for me is a loooooong time. I knew it was time when Sesh tweet'd me and was like "um can you start blogging again." Until I read her tweet, I had kinda forgotten I even have "readers" out there in the universe. I truly keep this blog for purely selfish reasons. Essentially no "Akili Means Wisdom" and Akili would be even CRAZIER than she already is [ha! imagine THAT].

I'm back home from a wonderful winter vacation with the family in California. I had a phenomenal time. I spent a night in my FAVORITE city in the world, San Francisco, saw Ledisi, a fabulous jazz/soul singer in concert, and spent a day in Napa Valley. When I got home, I stepped on the scale and saw I gained 6 pounds of pure WINE. My family is a bunch of lushes I SWEAR and all they drink is wine...so yeah. Tomorrow begins the diet which basically means being conscious of what I put in my mouth [restarting my food journal] and more water, less alcohol.Plus, I'm returning to the gym with a VENGEANCE.

I didn't really make any "resolutions" this year. Well---I just want to be BETTER. I want to actively work at being better in ALL aspects of my life. A better daughter/sister/friend/student/etc. Over the break I spent a lot of time with my baby cousins who are essentially my nephews. They are Kayade (Kai) (age 4 months), Jasiri (age 3--almost 4), and Khyri (age 9). Being around the boys really put my life into perspective.

1. Motherhood MAY BE overrated: I used to think I wanted a bunch of kids. I come from a family w/ 4 kids and I love love love having siblings. We always have a blast together--ready made friends. I always thought I wanted 3-5 kids. Yeah. I'm not sure I want ANY now. I spent the first week of my winter vacation essentially babysitting the various kids. Kai aka the CUTEST BABY EVER is a sweetheart, but a baby can only spit up on you, scream, and shit so much before you begin to wonder, "Um where the HELL is your mother??" I love being with Kai. I'm so happy he's in our family, but I would look at him and think, "Yeah, definitely not ready for THAT!" Same with the other boys. Kids are a handful and while at one time it was something I couldn't see my life WITHOUT, I now almost can't see my life with it. My grandfather got "sad" when I told him I was "straight on kids". Me, I'm not sad at all. I'm happy I know what I want (or don't want) instead of jumping into some bullshit with the WRONG PERSON just to fulfill some archaic notion that I MUST be a mother.
2. Its time to grow up: Being around the kids put it into perspective that I'm not a "kid" in the family anymore. I'm an adult. Its time to get my shit together...like how about, oh I don't know: being fiscally responsible? I am really lucky in that my parents supplement my living and save me ~$8,000/semester in student loans. But I need to spend my money more wisely. I need to just be more conscious of what I spend/save. Its time to be a big girl! That also means taking care of myself physically--eating in more often [saves $$$ and its healthier], keeping my apartment clean [that's going to be a TOUGHY: I've been messy my ENTIRE LIFE], staying organized [I purchased a nifty smart phone to help with that one] and just doing "grown up" things--whatever those are.
3. You don't have to lie to kick it: Khyri is at that stage where he does stupid shit and then lies about it. He'd lie about the dumbest stuff and his dad would get really frustrated. Sometimes I think he'd repeated the lie so much he believed it to be truth. His little 9 y.o. lies showed me how silly and detrimental dishonesty can be. This year I want to be more honest with myself about the things I want/fear/expect/like/dislike/etc. I think this will in turn help me be more honest with the people around me--help me be more open because I'm beginning to feel like I'm shut off from others. I want to be more open and approachable in 2010. 
   

If you ever wanna see the world from a new vantage point look at it through the eyes of a child. They will truly show you something different. I'm excited for 2010. A new year. A new decade. I swear I'll get back to blogging interesting things. But nothings really happened yet. Stay posted all you "readers" :) 

Self-Mutilation?

The other day I was curled up in bed with my uncle who I had bamboozled into watching He's Just Not That Into You. We're watching it and Justin Long's character tells the annoying "I know nothing about men"-girl that women torture themselves with men who simply aren't interested in them for the thrill of it--basically for the drama.

After my winter break behavior, I must admit, I agree with Justin on that one. I have been calling Pseudo Boyfriend all winter break. Sometimes he calls me back. Sometimes he doesn't. Whenever he doesn't call me back in what I feel is an appropriate time, I get upset and swear I'm not calling him again. But then he'll call or text and I'm right back where I started. I know I said I'd sworn him off several posts ago, but you know how us girls are...[sigh] As Frank would say, we're crazy.

But I think I've hit the final straw. He didn't call me for Christmas. Not a call. Not a text. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. He ALWAYS calls me for Christmas. He told me he loved me for the first time on Christmas. Christmas is Jesus's freaking birthday?!?! No phonecall? And as the book/movie says: "if he's NOT calling you, he's just NOT that into you."

He calls me on Dec. 26 (the first day of Kwanzaa) to wish me a Belated Merry Christmas/Happy Kwanzaa. I'm busy with my family so we don't talk long. We haven't talked since. Despite 2 phone calls and 2 text messages sent by ME. I've been hella busy [excuse the use of "hella" I'm in Cali...gotta fit in with the locals]. I still MAKE time to call/text him. Why? Because despite my better/wiser judgment I'm still into him--I'm still clinging to hope [which at this point has become FALSE hope].

I will admit, part of the appeal is the "will he/won't he" call me. Part of the appeal is the drama. But the lack of Christmas calling has made it apparent. He's just NOT that INTO me. And honestly, as I've blogg'd before I don't think I even really WANT him to be into me. He should be into wifey and wifey alone. I'm not up to be anyone's sidechick.

Yes, I think women obsess over unavailable or uninterested guys for the thrill--its a self-torture of sorts. But for me and PB...the thrill is definitely gone...

:changes PB's name in my phone to DO NOT CALL OR TEXT:

with my middle finger up...

I was browsing Billboard.com like I usually do [IDK why, but I love keeping up with album sales--just the pop culture junkie in me] and I noticed that for like the 4th week in a row Susan Boyle's album is STILL number one. The woman cannot be stopped. She outsold EVERY major album that has come out in November/December of this year. Susan Boyle's CD was released the same day as Rihanna's Rated R. I purchased RiRi's album. Left Susan Boyle's on the shelf.

A lot of people don't like post-beating Rihanna (or as I call her nuRihanna). While I'm still not too sure about the details of what happened between Chris Brown and Rihanna in that car, I, unlike millions of others, accept that its none of my damn business. All I know is that post-beating Rihanna is, as Sesh would say,  a "boss bitch" [FYI--Sesh, I've totally added that phrase into my vocab along with "Oh word?"] As Rihanna's song "Rockstar 101" proclaims she just doesn't GIVE A F*CK and I kinda love it.

Rated R reminds me of Christina Aguilera's Stripped or even Janet Jacksons Velvet Rope albums. Its completely different from anything Rihanna has EVER done before. Its bold. Its vulgar. Its nasty. Its angry. Its vulnerable. Its fun. Maybe this is who Rihanna really is/always has been. Maybe this is just a phase a 21-year-old woman has to go through after her boyfriend beats the sh*t out of her. Either way, there's something about nuRihanna that I admire. She says things I've always wanted to say. She does things I've always wanted to do...

When I'm upset I retreat. When nuRihanna is upset she comes out GUNS BLAZING. She doesn't share her rage only within the confines of a blog. She cuts her hair into a shiteous mohawk, dyes the shit blonde, and puts her middle finger in the air. She wears highly inappropriate outfits on morning television and sings lyrics like: "I lick the gun when I'm done, because I know that revenge tastes sweet." NuRihanna is that part of me deep down inside that just wants to cuss people out and blow this bitch up. She doesn't care. And there's power in that.

I'm spending the holidays with my parents and extended fam. They enjoy telling stories about what a well-behaved child I was--yeah, I'd whine/cry if someone hurt my feelings but for the most part I'd curl up with a book and be quiet. NuRihanna doesn't read books, she gets shitfaced and dances her ass off. I admire that about her. I know, in reality every woman must have a balance between nuRihanna and a responsible woman, but sometime I feel like I lack a little nuRihanna in my life. Every 23-year-old needs some reckless abandon in their lives. I'm going to find mine in 2010.

Here's a look at nuRihanna's latest video, "Hard" feat. Young Jeezy from Rated R:

The Princess & the Frog

"...we were so beautiful when we stood astride her ugliness. her simplicity decorated us, her guilt sanctified us, her pain made us glow with health, her awkwardness made us think we had a sense of humor. her inarticulateness made us believe we were eloquent. her poverty kept us generous. even her waking dreams we used to silence our own nightmares. and she let us, and thereby deserved our contempt. we honed our egos on her, padded our characters with her frailty, and yawned in the fantasy of our strength." --from The Bluest Eye

In my 10th grade English class we read Toni Morrison's The Bluest Eye and I had my first in-depth discussion about the media and concepts of beauty. My senior year at NCSU I took a Sociology 200 class--just for fun--and we talked a lot about the images we see on television and how they influence children. While the academic in me knows it matters that film companies like Disney have never had an African-American princess...EVER, it didn't really hit me until yesterday, when I went with Favorite1L to see Disney's The Princess & the Frog.

The movie was classic Disney animation. Which is a great thing! Think Beauty & the Beast or The Little Mermaid. The film is set in post WWI New Orleans and as a lover of NOLA I thought the movie captured the spirit of the city well. The accents were subtle, yet there. There were blacks, whites and all the in between. There were black cajuns and white cajuns and vodoo people [both good and bad]. Without giving too much of the plot away, the story is about Tiana a young girl who always dreamed of opening a fancy NOLA restaurant with her father [who died in the war]. She works like 2-3 jobs trying to save her money for her dream place and makes the city's BEST beignets. When the prince who's visiting the city looking for a bride is turned into a frog by the Shadow Man he mistakes Tiana for a princess and asks her to kiss him. Hijinx ensues. Its great Disney fun!

I loved the movie! It was cute. I laughed. I got emotional. It was everything you'd want from a good Disney movie. But what really got me choked up was watching my fellow movie goers. It was a mixed race audience. Everyone seemed to just be excited about seeing the latest Disney film. But then there was this group of little black girls who had come with their mothers. And they were ALL dressed like Princess Tiana complete with a little crown. They were beautiful kids. And I realized how they look up at that screen as little Southern black girls and identify SO much with Tiana. And Tiana is a good person. She's smart, beautiful, disciplined, and hard working. And they see themselves in her! Yeah, its just a movie. But its also a powerful image for a 4 year old or 6 year old girl to see. No the movie wasn't perfect. If you look hard you can find racial shadiness anywhere. But I am proud of Disney for making a princess that EVERYONE can love who just happens to be African-American.

I'll never really know how the absence of characters like Tiana influenced me as a young child. Luckily I grew up around strong successful people who looked like me to serve as role models and tell me I was smart, talented and special. But sitting in that dark theater watching Tiana look up at the stars and dream her dreams, it really connected with me. It felt different than Mulan or The Little Mermaid. I'm glad that those young girls I saw got a chance to experience that. And based on how PACKED the theater was, I'm glad EVERYONE is getting a chance to experience and love The Princess & the Frog.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot, And never brought to mind?

 My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return. --Maya Angelou

In less than a month we will have entered the 2nd decade of the 21st century. The next time I sit down to look back over the past 10 years, I'll be 33 years old [yikes!] and who knows what the future will hold for me and this life.

This was me 10 [maybe 11] years ago. I honestly can't remember, LOL:

If only that little girl knows the things that I know now. I look back over the past 10 years of my life and all I can really say is, "Wow." I've loved. I've lost. I have done some really stupid things. I've hurt others really bad. I've betrayed those who cared for me. I've been betrayed and hurt. But I have learned so much.  I have learned I possess a spirit stronger than the bullshit of the world can throw at me. I've learned the power of *good* friends. I've learned the good Lord gives us instincts for a reason. I've learned a mother and a father who give a shit is an immeasurable blessing. I've learned that life is short and sometimes it all seems so arbitrary. I've learned we waste time trying to figure it all out that we miss the magic of it all. I've learned that I'm sentimental, sensitive, cynical, romantic, and maybe just a little judgmental.  I can be wonderful when I what and horrible when I want. I can be sexy. I can be sloppy. I can be anything. I've learned that a true bond among women is such an amazing gift. I've learned that learning is such a joy. I've stopped wishing to always be "happy" because I'm more and more convinced that "happy" is something some rich old guy made up to put on Hallmark cards or some shit and convinced us all we "needed" it to be fulfilled. All I really need in this world is to just BE.

This is me a few months ago:

What a different 10 years makes, huh? I love both of these chicks so much. I wish I had been able to better protect them. I wish I had made a few better choices for them. I'm incredibly lucky they've forgiven me for my shortcomings.

I can say with 100% certainty, I'm looking forward to the next 10 years and whatever and whomever they hold. Its going to be a wild ride I can tell.

I don't know if I'll be posting much during the Holiday season or not. I probably will. I don't know if I can stay away [smile]. But if not, I hope you start the next decade of your life in a beautiful and positive way. I hope you make new goals for yourself and work towards achieving them. I hope you get some good loving and epic experiences you live to tell about.

Just in case, I'm not back here before: Happy New Year, guys. Make 2010 a fab one!

Are You Unapproachable to Men?

So...my Yahoo! Homepage has done it again. [When did Yahoo! get into the "I.want.a.man."-business???] I got online to do some procrastinating and I saw this little nugget of goodness...Thoughts???

Dear What Men Want: Recently (4 months ago, to be exact) I moved to Manhattan after graduating college and I have yet to score a date with any eligible bachelors in the city. In fact, I don't even think I've given my number out once. My roommates, on the other hand, both go on dates all the time, while I end up empty-handed weekend after weekend. I'm no Gisele, but from what I've been told, this isn't a question of my attractiveness. My roommates think I'm a little too picky in my choice of men (which I like to call "high standards") and think I shut down men too fast, but even so, why are no decent men approaching me when I'm out? Is it possible that I look intimidating to men, and if so, do men only approach the easy-looking girls at bars? How can I change my attitude so that men find me more approachable without throwing myself at them? Please help, WMW!

Sincerely,
Dating-Challenged


Dear Dating-Challenged: This is a simple case of needing to open your mind. I don't think women realize just how hard it is for the average guy to walk up to a complete stranger and try to strike up a conversation. It is exceedingly difficult to work up the courage to do that and obviously we're not going to approach you if it seems like you might shut us down if we don't fit every one of your personal standards.

If you are out and seem like you're not interested in anyone, guys can pick up on that from across the room. If you're at a bar, you should be there to have fun. Go with the attitude that you'll talk to anyone. If you look like you're fun and willing to have a good time, you'll get approached. You don't have to act like you're easy or dress provocatively, but don't look around the room picking out who you will talk to and who you won't. We can tell when you feel like you're too good for the room.

When you do finally get approached, don't reject guys out of hand because they aren't perfect. There's no harm in going on a few dates with people who aren't perfect. It's good experience and will get you back into the swing of things. I'm not saying you should lead anyone on, but having a few first dates that aren't with the man of your dreams won't hurt anything.


Besides, when you get to know someone outside the confines of a bar or club you might realize you actually like them more than you originally thought possible. Hey, maybe you'll end up being great friends and he'll have a few buddies who are exactly what you're looking for.

The real message here is don't judge people before you have even had a conversation with them. If you aren't willing to put yourself out there guys will pick up on that immediately and not waste their time.
Signing off,
WMW

Dating Tips: 15 Signs You’re Meant to Be Together

Sometimes I find the most interesting stuff on my Yahoo! Homepage. This article popped up when I first got onto the internet. I thought it was very interesting…

Even when you're crazy about someone, it can often be hard to know if he or she is "right" for you. How do you know you won't feel differently in a year? 10 years? A lifetime? Deciding if you can commit to someone is a deeply personal determination, and everyone has different criteria. As in any verdict, you have to start by assessing the evidence.

With that in mind, YourTango has come up with 15 signs that you're dating a soul mate. You don't have to check off all of these points to be sure about someone -- but if you can say yes to several, you've found a very special mate.



1. You tell him things you don't tell anyone else. We don't mean blurting something out when you're emotionally unstable, but the desire to tell him intimate details about your life means you trust him -- a major component of successful long-term love.

2. You let her see you in moments of weakness. It's easy to be happy with someone when you're feeling good about life. But what about when you're not doing so well? Do you want to see her when you've been denied a raise, or your cat died, or you had a plain old bad day? She should be a comfort during tough times, not a burden.

3. You respect him. You don't want to change the essence of who he is. There may be stuff that irritates you in everyday life -- he insists on wearing his favorite holey T-shirt, he eats sugar cereal for dinner, he still watches Saturday morning cartoons -- but you like him, plain and simple.

 4. You want him to meet your parents. You feel proud of him and you want to show him off -- as opposed to feeling like you have to make excuses for him.

5. You can imagine a future together. You don't have to practice writing your first name with his last name, but do you periodically let your mind wander to picture a life together? Is it amazing?

6. You're not afraid to disagree with him. You know that even if you fight, he'll listen to you and won't brush you off. He takes you seriously, even when he thinks you're wrong.

7. You want to work out your major differences. If you do have crucial differences that will impact your future together -- different opinions about religion, money, or something else -- you want to work them out with him, and you believe you can come to a conclusion that will satisfy both of you.

8. You laugh together. Laughter is one of life's simplest pleasures -- you should definitely be able to crack each other up.

9. You're incredibly, utterly, surprisingly attracted to her. Physical chemistry is an undeniably important ingredient in a healthy relationship. And if she's not a classic beauty or your usual "type"? Even more reason to think she's the one.

10. It's OK to be quiet around her. You don't feel like you have to fill the space between you with chatter or other interaction. Instead, you feel an easy comfort.

11. You feel like yourself around him. You don't feel like you have to edit your thoughts; you're not self-conscious or anxious.

12. You need him the right amount. You long for him -- but not too much. Some neediness is good, but too much breeds discontent.

13. You don't feel too jealous. You're comfortable with him going out with his friends -- even female friends. You let each other have your own lives and hobbies.

14. You feel like she makes you a better person. She makes you feel smart, funny, attractive, creative -- like the best version of yourself. You feel like she brings out and complements the best parts of you.

15. She just gets you. Sometimes it's that easy. You feel like she understands some essential part of you that you can't explain or articulate. It's a warm, comfortable feeling -- and one you should have with the person you marry.