Times are a-changin'

I was thinking lately about love and relationships. Let’s be honest, I haven’t had the best luck when it comes to relationships. I’ve only been "in love" once and needless to say IT DID NOT WORK OUT. Ha. That’s an understatement. But I guess I’m okay with that. It was in college. It is over. I learned some things. And I can honestly say I’ve moved on.

My mother was married at 24 to a man she dated for approximately 1 year. By 25 my mother had a beautiful daughter and a M.D. By 30, three kids. The "perfect" life, no? Well no. Our life has been anything but perfect, but for arguments sake, my mother did it the "right" way.
Well, it hit me today. It is not 1980 anymore and I can GUARANTEE Mr. Right is not a student at the University of Alabama School of Law. So there goes following in Mommy’s footsteps. I spent a year with a guy, trying to be the perfect girl for him. At the end of that year, he moved to another state and wife’d up another girl. Yeah, it is not 1980. And I am NOT Mommy. Odds are I will be 30 and unmarried. I decided today that I am okay with that.

Let’s be honest. In order to follow in my parents footsteps I need to meet my husband like NOW. Date him for a year. Marry him. And start popping out babies. I can hardly balance a check book. I am NOT anybody’s wife right now. And motherhood? Please. I could barely care for a beta fish, let alone a CHILD. And yet I feel like I’m "supposed" to be doing those things. Its weird.

So yeah. By 30 I probably will still be single. I have accepted that. I’m not ready anyway. But beyond 30??? What if I am 35 and then single? Then 40...then 50???? While I am not yet okay with that prospect, I have decided that I have to become okay with it. My life’s happiness cannot and will not be dependant upon whether or not some guy has gotten his shit together long enough to "wife" me. Because odds are, as the title of my forthcoming book states, "Honey, he is NOT going to wife you."

I believe that every human being has a purpose in this world. I am 100% sure I was not brought into this Earth, been blessed as I have JUST to be a wife/mother. Don’t get me wrong, I think those are both fulfilling roles within one’s life, but it is not my purpose. I have so much to offer this world and I refuse to stifle my light in search of M-R-S in front of my last name.

I look at my own mother. She’s been a wife/mother for almost 30 years. But she is so much MORE than that. She’s someone special to so many children in her role as pediatrician. We always laugh at her "pediatrician voice" when she goes in to see her patients, but she makes them feel cared for and important. And those kids adore her. My mother is also so amazing in her community, working with various organizations just trying to make things a little better. She’s intelligent. She’s funny. She’s constantly working on herself to be better. She’s an amazing HUMAN BEING and would be so whether she was "Mrs. Scott" or "Mommy".

If I put all my life’s happiness, all my "eggs" in the wife/mother basket, I could wake up one day and wonder where my life went. I could wake up one day and realize I’ve missed out on so many wonderful things. There are so many roles in my life that still need so much work. Roles that will never be perfect or complete. I’m only 23. I’m still trying to figure out who I am. What my mark in this world will be. I am a daughter. A sister. A friend. I am a student, not only of history + the law, but of the world. I want to travel. Read books. And to say that those things can’t help me build a fulfilled life without someone "putting a ring on it" is utterly ridiculous.

If I meet someone who fits into my life. Someone who is smart, kind, funny, thinks "The Princess Bride" & "A Fish Called Wandad" are hilarious, and shares complimentary morals and world views as me, then PERFECT. But if I’m 90 without that someone, I still want to know that I worked on self and on my world to build something spectacular. That is what life is all about. Because when I’m no longer physically on this planet, I seriously doubt people are going to come to my funeral and say, "Oh, what a shame. She never got married. Her life was a failure." And if they DO say that, THEY ARE OFFICIALLY UNINVITED.