ain't it funny.

I talked to Heartbreaker last night. I was just doing the friend thing--calling to check in. We had not talked in a while. I really called because I was feeling nostalgic. I had found this love letter that I'd written him a while ago. And it was the sweetest thing. It was beautiful--young love. And it made me feel all warm inside. And it made me feel happy. That I was able to possess those kinds of feelings for another person. It was so pure and perfect. One day I might even let him read it. Because I think everyone deserves to know they were loved like that.

So, for that girl, who wrote that letter, I called the boy she loved. And we talked. He was telling me about his life. His new job. His new house. Problems with his girl friend. And for the first time I realized that he has changed a lot. He's a lot different from the guy I used to know--in good ways, but also in bad. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks--he was never for me. He wasn't meant for me. We weren't soulmates. We weren't destined to be. None of that. We were wrong--or more specifically, I was wrong. I just knew that he was mine. That God had put him in my life and that in the end it would be us.

I was wrong.

We were young. I was stupid. And while I will always be greatful because I felt what it means to truly love another human being in that way, I have to stop idealizing the relationship we had. Its over. And I know that I would not want to go back. So then I got to thinking, if you could go back in time and tell youngYou that it was a mistake, that she was wrong--would you?

Absolutely not. Just as much as he deserves to know that someone loved him like that, youngYou deserved to open her heart like that. If I would tell her anything, it would be that when it doesn't work out--when he breaks your heart--just know that you are going to make it. This boy--no boy can or ever will break you. And that God has someone or something better for you.

Its nice to get the epiphany NOW---AFTER the heartbreak...life lessons, I guess.

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