At first I was shocked.
Then I was hurt.
Then I was angry.
Then I was sad.
Now I'm just numb.
To quote one of my favorite songs: "they say time heals everything. well i'm still waiting." I am DEFINITELY not ready to make nice. I'm not even ready to deal.
But the crazy part is, initially I was hurt by the "culprits" but the ironic thing is, I somewhat understand WHERE they are coming from. I feel like something I said was was misconstrued, misunderstand, and with a spin from hurt/anger/emotions/festering feelings turned into something that I never said or meant. I can actually understand how that could happen. And I can understand their need to spread the untruth they believe to be true. I'm sure they thought they were doing the "right" thing...being loyal to those I was "disloyal" to. After all, we are all human and that is precisely how we think/react. I just wish they could have waited. Given me an opportunity to clear up the situation before I was labeled the "enemy".
I guess I'm more so hurt by being shut out by people who I love and I thought loved me. People I spent so much time talking about to others--praising each and every one of their roles in my life. And now I'm in a pretty exciting time in my life--without them. And it feels weird. I miss them sometimes. Sometimes I'm too busy to notice. But I do miss them. And I wish I could fix it. But a lot of damage has been done. And I would not even know where to start. So instead of driving myself crazy trying to fix it. I shoved my own hurt feelings deep....deep...down and I'm numb to the situation...
...and right now, as I type this entry, I am procrastinating. I am supposed to be outlining for civ. pro. BOOP! (as one of my classmates would say :) ) I'm trying really hard to stay proactive with school...but it just isn't in my nature. (sigh)
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Now playing: Keke Wyatt - Avant - My First Love
via FoxyTunes
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