The Tragedy of 27

The "27 Club". Never something I really paid attention to until Amy Winehouse died almost two years ago at the age of 27. Even though I intellectually understood that 27 is too young to die--your life has barely even started--I don't think I really understood how young until I turned 27. 

I'm 27 years and 5 days old. And I haven't done much with my life. 

Don't worry--this is not one of those 'woe is me' posts about how much my life sucks. Quite the contrary. This is about how there is so much I want to do with my life, both professionally and personally. I'd like to figure out my passions, what (if anything) I want to do with this law degree, I'd like to see more of the world, I'd like to be in a healthy romantic relationship--you know where both parties are emotionally and actually available and don't take out their baggage on each other. I'd like to explore and better understand my religious and spiritual beliefs. 

Essentially. I want to live. And if it were all over today for me...at the age of 27. Boy, what a tragedy. 

So much of my youth was spent on a very specific academic path. One I was always too focused on and frankly too afraid to deviate from. I was going to do well in high school so I could get a full scholarship to college. I was going to do well in college so I could go to professional school. I was going to go to professional school, get a good job, and *poof* become an adult and start living. Other than deciding to major in History instead of Engineering I have never made a decision or deviated from what I was "supposed to do". And don't get me wrong, that path has set me up to write blogposts like this and wax poetic about my life and developing some dreams. That path provided me with a foundation that when I figure out what the hell I want to do, will be invaluable. I recognize the importance of that path. 

But I never took a leap of faith. Not one leap. I never moved somewhere crazy. I never took the time to figure out professional dreams. Sure, being an attorney and maybe one day a judge sounded perfect...but would that really fulfill me? I never once asked that question. Personally, I subconsciously set myself up to never have anything real. And then wondered why I was perpetually alone. Ending up with the unavailable guy is not only the opposite of a "leap of faith" its also kind of stupid. And hurtful. And it took a long time before I was bold enough to ask myself why I continued to repeat this same mistake, same lapse in judgment, over and over again. 

So here I am. 27. And I feel like I've been stripped to my foundation in a lot of ways. For the first time, I am beginning to explore what I believe in, what truly interests me, what I truly want, what kind of life can I possibly build for myself. And I know its going to be painful, tough, and long. But its exciting to not have a path for once. While not having a plan is terrifying, its also freeing. I get to be whoever it is I am. 

I get to be. 27. And God willing beyond.